Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
After last night, I could never be a politician.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
