I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
