Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
