i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
