What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
