I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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