do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
