i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
