I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
