The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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