Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
