and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
