If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
