I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
