Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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