mondays should just be called national damage control day
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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