I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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