I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
