cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
