I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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