Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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