It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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