Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
