Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
