He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
