I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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