You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
