I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
