FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
