I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That accounts for only three of the penises
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
