I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
