Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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