she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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