Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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