Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
