i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
