You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
