Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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