Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
