I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
