I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
