we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize