I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
