So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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