Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
