toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
