just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
