Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
