Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
