yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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