Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
