Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
