I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
