do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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