I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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