NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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