Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
sex in a hospital.. check
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
