**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
