i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
