i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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