apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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