He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
