he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
