I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
