NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Farmville is her only friend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
