Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
