You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
