I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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