Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
