There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
