NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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