walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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