FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
