Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
